Carter closed the door softly behind him as he left the busy house and walked down the steps to the walkway. His brother and his wife were hosting the family Christmas gathering this year, their place big enough to accommodate the large group. But even with the space, the house was full and loud with the whole troupe in attendance. He appreciated the effort and work it took for his brother and sister-in-law to put on the shindig but he was glad he wasn’t the moderator of activities for this get together.

The noise had eventually gotten the best of him and he desperately needed some solitude and space from the typical family drama. His sister had driven in from the next province over with her husband and two kids. The rest of the family lived fairly close. He had two brothers that worked in the same city close by, where he also worked. Then there were his other two sisters, one a stay-at-home mom and the other one single and finishing up her last year of university.

Although they were a varied bunch, most of them were married with families. Carter had three kids and they added to the volume in the house he’d just left. He’d told his wife he was heading out for a bit. She understood his frustrations and had suggested earlier, before they even came, that he head out for a walk if things got too uncomfortable.

“It will help clear your head,” she’d said.

“That’s a good idea,” he’d agreed.

After telling her he was heading out for a bit she’d smiled and given him a nod, the encouragement he’d needed. So here he was walking down his brother’s long driveway, heading toward the main road adjacent to their country property. Although it wasn’t very cold, frost clung to everything, creating a winter wonderland effect everywhere he looked. Frost on railings, trees, lawns and the many Christmas decorations on the yards caused the collective charm of the season to substantially increase. A light dusting of snow was falling, adding to the magical scenery surrounding him.

If only he could erase the constant reminder of his status in the family. The words his father used always cut him deep. Carter knew he’d never measure up to his father’s expectations. His brothers were more educated, held better jobs, made more money and could provide the extras for their families. Praising them for their efforts, their accomplishments, was a constant. Hearing any kind of praise from his father was like wishing for a gift that never came.

Carter should be used to it by now, seeing the disappointment in his father’s eyes, the grimace that would twist his lips when he asked about his job, the invariable reminder of how education ensured a better living. Not once had his father ever mentioned that he was proud of what he did. The praise freely given to his two brothers, the inflection of approval in his father’s voice, was evidence enough of how over-the-moon proud he was of them and, at the same time, how disgusted he was with Carter’s career choice.

His two brothers had both taken years of university, one a chemist and the other an engineer. Both were fantastically successful, fueling the pride his father boasted of. Carter was glad for his brothers, but the disparity of treatment from his dad encouraged a wall of animosity to be erected.

Carter hated it. He didn’t want to despise his brothers. They’d worked hard and they were enjoying the fruit of their education and hard work. All he ever wanted was to be accepted for who he was. For some reason it just wasn’t in his dad to give that. The constant comparing between them was driving wedges in their relationships. Strife was being sown in the family and was being done without thought to the consequences.

Keeping some distance from his dad helped to maintain some sliver of peace. If he didn’t spend too much time with the man, Carter could cope better with his place in life. It’s not that he did badly. Being an electrician was good, honest work and he made a decent wage. Supporting his family wasn’t an issue and, with his wife working part time, they were managing just fine. But it wasn’t enough. It had never been enough for his dad.

After all these years, it shouldn’t bother him anymore. Carter stopped to stare at the trees to his right. They were loaded with hoar frost, the branches sparkling in the sunshine. It was a beautiful sight.

“Why do I still care what he thinks?” Carter asked out loud.

It was an impossible dream. Pleasing his dad felt out of reach. His mom loved him, he knew that, but she had always struggled to stand up to dad. What dad said was law and in his mind, Carter didn’t measure up.

Carter turned away from the trees and kept walking, letting the cold air fill his lungs and the hazy exhaust float around his face. It was only a few degrees below freezing, quite pleasant for a Christmas walk.

If the traditional meal, the singing of carols in the afternoon and opening of gifts was all it took for a pleasant gathering, he’d say the day was a hit. But he longed for so much more. To feel loved, absolutely accepted and celebrated were high on his list.

His mind drifted to last Sunday’s message. Their pastor had spoken of Christ’s entrance into this world, about His desire to right the world’s wrongs. A great light appeared to pierce through the darkness of this world. Pastor Todd had emphasized that Christ, the light of the world, could penetrate every dark place in our lives and bring peace and purpose.

Carter made a sound through tight lips. He didn’t think Pastor Todd realized how difficult his family situation was, the disdain his father held for him. How could Jesus ever make right of the wrongs his father had perpetrated? Sometimes he felt that he hated his father. He felt guilty even thinking it but if he was honest, that’s what lurked inside. It was quite the Christmas confession.

Up ahead, Carter noticed someone else out for a walk heading toward him. The closer she came, the more he was sure he recognized her. It was an elderly lady from church, Mrs. Tray. With her white head and slow gate, he was surprised she was out here, braving the icy road. He didn’t know how old she was but she looked well along in years, much older than his own mother. Whatever her age, she looked good in her red winter coat with white fur trim, red hat and red gloves. The sight of her made him smile. He’d always had the impression she was full of spunk, just the way she’d talk and laugh, her eyes lighting up with joy.

As she came within talking distance, she said, “Well, hi there Carter! What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Mrs. Tray.” Carter turned to point at his brother’s house. “Tim is having the Christmas gathering this year. I needed some fresh air.”

She nodded and smiled. “I understand. I needed to get out too and move my legs. At my house there’s way too much sitting around and gossiping for my taste.”

Carter nodded, smiled and was about to move on when Mrs. Tray spoke.

“Do you know what I saw on a Facebook post just this week?”

Kudos for Mrs. Tray. To be on Facebook at her age revealed her grit. “No, I don’t.”

Holding out a red, gloved hand, she caught a few snowflakes. “In this article, they said that every single snowflake is different from every other one. There are none that are identical to each other. Can you imagine the intricacy and plan of the creator in that?” Her eyes turned to focus on Carter’s face.

“That is quite something,” he said, wondering where she was going with this.

“If God cares enough about making each and every snowflake an original, think about how much he cares about making each person unique, an innovative design. He is more creative than we can even imagine.”

Carter nodded, allowing the older woman to say her piece even though he just wanted some peace and solitude.

“God loves us so much, Carter. He made you just the way He wanted you to be. You are unique and He is so pleased with you. You are exactly what He envisioned you to be when he knit you together in your mother’s womb. I really think I’m supposed to tell you that God is super proud of you. He’s smiling over you, Carter. He really is!”

“Okay,” Carter said, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

She lifted her red gloved hand to study the snowflakes resting there. “Why wouldn’t God make them all the same?” Looking at him again, she said, “Wouldn’t that be a whole lot easier to do? Why didn’t He just pump them all out alike like a cookie cutter machine? Why go to all the bother of making each one unique?”

“He likes variety?” Carter offered.

With a broad smile, she lowered her hand and let the snowflakes fall. “Absolutely! Just remember the snowflakes, Carter. If God cares about things as simple as snowflakes, we can be sure that He cares much more about how He created us. You are a one of a kind creation and God is pretty impressed by what He’s made.” With a smile and a wink, she nodded and turned to go.

“Thanks, Mrs. Tray!” Carter called after her. “And Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to you,” she said, her voice soft on the breeze.

As Carter walked on, his thoughts drifted to what she’d said. Her simple revelation of the snowflakes had impacted him. If God cared for him this much, to create him unique, different from his brothers, why did it really matter what his father thought of him?

Was it possible to let that go, release his father from the obligation to approve of him? Perhaps his father never would have the ability to love or endorse him like he wished. Maybe his desire for acceptance from his dad was unattainable. Holding his father up to a certain level of expectation was really just returning the treatment extended to him. It was on a level of revenge Carter hadn’t considered before.

His Heavenly Father knew him better than anyone else and yet He was pleased? Carter had heard that sentiment before and yet this time, coming from Mrs. Tray in the way she said it, the words broke through the pain of rejection and hit the mark. God loved Him. There was no need to perform or to fake it. God knew him through and through, had made him exactly the way He wanted him. Carter was accepted, regardless of how his dad viewed him. God had created him, loved him and actually liked what He’d made.

The truth was finally making its way to Carter’s heart and he felt a warmth flood through him as he processed what it all meant. To be at peace, and have full assurance of his value in spite of his father’s opinion would be worth so much. Carter wasn’t sure it was possible to possess confidence while in his dad’s presence. His disapproval always left him feeling like a little boy who’d messed up.

Perhaps if he focused his attention more on God’s acceptance of him, filled his heart with God’s words, the truth, his confidence might increase. Right now, his heart was still full of the memories of his father’s disapproval. But Carter made a decision; that was going to change. It was time to give God’s words about him greater value than a man’s words. In the end, God would have the last word anyway.

When Carter reached what he thought was about a mile walk, he turned and headed back the way he’d come. He didn’t have much desire to head back to the gathering but he did have hope. With God’s help he was ready to make a change, shift his mind set and redirect his focus. His future depended on it. It was time to truly make God his God, his genuine center.